Train Tracks

There has been something weighing quite heavily on my mind lately. 

Perhaps it has to do with watching my dear kind, Father in Law lying in a hospital bed for weeks at a time while his body is shutting down, preparing him for a marvelous journey where he will return home to our Father in Heaven. He will be reunited with his sister, parents, etc.

Or perhaps, it has to do with the light that is being shined down on gay marriages, once again.

As I was driving home from taking Dean to work today, I thought about two important concepts. Love, and acceptance. My thoughts continued on.  I thought how they are separate, but how they must work collectively.

I pictured two parallel lines, perhaps serving as train tracks. One marked love, one marked acceptance.  If both lines are perfectly equal, they continue to provide a path for others to arrive to their destinations safely. Perhaps they are a vehicle in our own lives to travel on while we are on our homeward journey. Or perhaps, they need to be in place to provide a vehicle to others around us, who are lost or confused in their homeward journey.

But what happens if one of the tracks, whether it be love, or acceptance, falls short of the other one?Or, what happens when something breaks, and causes the lines to no longer to be parallel anymore, perhaps they become perpendicular. Then what happens? In both scenarios, a train wreck will happen.

I have heard many people say things such as, " I love my brother, but I can't accept the fact that he is gay"  But, how can we really love someone without accepting their total being? Can we just pick a piece off their body to love? That leaves an image of unwanted body parts flying around.  I believe that we can't love without accepting.  (You can insert anything in the above statement, I love my brother/neighbor whatever, but I can't accept the fact that he/she is this or participates in that, or sins in regards to this that or the other etc.)

People are so quick to judge others, they don't like the fact that there gay, or maybe of a different race,  have purple hair, maybe they face a terminal illness, infertility, or perhaps they are labeled as a criminal for something they did in there dark past.  But do we really have the authority to pass judgement on others? When we look in the mirror, are we perfect ourselves? Or do we have sins too? Maybe we are not murderers per say, maybe we are sinners by being prideful, hateful, speeding down the road, driving a car with expired registration, maybe we are not pure in our hearts, maybe we are addicted to hating others, for example the LGBTQ communities. And yes, I think people are often addicted to hating others, because it gives them a false sense of superiority.

Now, am I saying that we have to agree with the lifestyles, or trials those around us face? No, but we do have to simply accept them, after all, we can't control the world and change everything about others to fit our views of how everything should be, there would be no diversity if that were to occur, no trials to learn from, etc.

People often fill threatened by the way other people lives there lives, for example, same sex marriages. They feel like allowing same sex marriages will threaten their marriages, I'm not exactly sure how it will threaten another persons life.  We were not only granted one life to live? If we are so concerned about what other people are doing in their lives, are we living our life fully and happily,  or are we injecting poison into ourselves?

I think if we each had a set of train tracks were in good working order, with love, and acceptance labeled on each,  all of the world problems will be solved, and that everyone would get along, but  more importantly everyone will have peace and harmony in their own life's. I would even venture to say that by doing this we could cure many forms of mental illness. We are often so caught up in what other people are doing, we are not focusing on ourselves, allowing ourselves to be emotionally happy and healthy, instead we are just injecting poison into our hearts, causing our own selves to be the ones effected by negativity.

So, my rhetorical question for this post is: are you train tracks working? Do you accept those who face different challenges than you, along with loving them? If they are not working, is it the other person that you don't love and accept heading for a train wreck, or is it you? Are you addicting to hating others, if so, is your lifestyle of doing so positive and uplifting?

Windshield Wipers Analogy

So, last weekend we made one of our trips to Fresno. I drove a good portion of the way in the dark.  It was also raining. I despise driving in the rain. I was also listening to some music, probably my EFY play list on my iPhone.

As I was driving I had some random thoughts come through my mind. About the Savior.

Now, having any dots of rain on my windshield drives me absolutely bonkers. So I run them, and  watch the rain be simply wiped off, so I can once again see where I am going.

The completely random thought that came through my head was that:  our Savior is like windshield wipers. He is there, constantly wiping away our faults. Constantly forgiving us for whatever sins we exhibit during our everyday lives.

Then I thought about each of us. Now, I believe that all my readers are members of the church.  It's something that we each choose to do. Whether we were baptized at age 8, 18, or 99, it's something that we each decided to do. It's something that we committed to. What did we commit to do? I think we made a commitment to live our lives like Christ lived his. 

Then I thought about each of us, how we live our lives, in our own vehicles if you will.  Each person around us throws rain spots on our windshields... whether it be by something they said to us, something they did to us,  a choice someone else makes that we don't approve of, etc. The list could go on forever.

Then I thought how each of us must have our own set of windshield wipers in our individual lives. Simply wiping away and letting go of the things that the people in our lives throw on to us.

What happens when our individual windshield wipers cease to work? Our windows become riddled with rain spots from other people. Just sitting there, needing to be wiped off.  But when the windshield wipers cease to work, the rain drops that other people launch onto us, stay there, thus prohibiting us from seeing through the window. What happens when we can't see out the window? We come in danger of crashing, whether it be into another car, a guard rail, a boulder, a person, or a snow pile.

What causes our windshield wipers to stop working? Maybe it's pride, selfishness, jealousy, thinking that everyone else should live their lives a certain way, etc. Once they begin working again, then we will no longer be in danger of crashing, and thus we will be saving our own life in the long run.

What causes our windshield wipers to begin working again? Perhaps forgiveness, faith, selflessness, service, letting go of pride, or use of the atonement.

When they begin working again, what is the result? Perhaps we can see our vision of who we are supposed to be, children of God.  Perhaps being able to see clearly again, we can see the needs of those around us, and thus be able to serve them.

So, my rhetorical question for this post is: Are your windshield wipers working, making it possible to see around you? If not, what do you need to do in order to fix them?

In the End, Together We Will Be.

Well, what a way to start out the new year. It has not been kind to me, nor my Kellogg  family.

On Saturday evening, I got the phone call that no one ever wants to receive. My number one fear suddenly became a reality.

My dad called me and calmly stated “Blaine’s house just burnt up”. I felt my heart stop.  I am not an emotional person, but I did indeed have an emotional breakdown at the mall, using there wi-fi, trying to complete my paperwork for work. My dad followed the fire engines to the scene.  Just a half an hour earlier, he called me asking for directions to get to a candy shop in Clovis.    Most of the Kellogg brothers were there that day, as the Kellogg brothers celebrated Christmas that day.  When he saw the fire engines going, he knew in his gut, that something was very wrong, and followed the engines to their home.

Just the day before, I had a discussion with Dean that one of my favorite things that I love about the Kellogg’s is that there is an immediate system of support in place.  If one person is going through a trial, whether it be an illness, or a home that stands in ruins, everyone knows, and everyone let’s all others know. So that we can stand next to the ones whose lives are being affected, and hold their hands and their hearts through trying times, praying constantly for one another.  What an absolute strength and comfort this is. I want so badly to be there with my family, helping them in any way we can.  We are just waiting for the word, and we will be on our way.

Family has been on my mind in all its varieties lately, even before the devastating event on Saturday.

I have felt the love and strength of my family throughout the years, each time I have had surgery (which has been several) I felt the love and prayers of them during my trials.

It’s no different now that the trials are piled up on another family member.  I know for a fact that although the Kellogg-Klan is spread throughout the nation, we are holding on tight to one another. Waiting to see what we can help with in the temporal sense.

I have continually thought how blessed we are. Everyone was able to get out safely, no one sustained major injuries. It happened during the day, where no one was asleep and everyone had the ability to get out. We are grateful it happened now, and not 15 years ago with 11 children living in the house. That would have been much, much worse.

Do I believe it happened for a reason? Yes. Yes I do.  Do I know what that reason is? No. I have my guesses, but it’s okay not to know.  Heavenly Father knows all reasons for everything, we, as mortals, don’t get to receive that privilege yet.

Do I believe in guardian angels? With every fiber of my being. I know for a fact that my mom, my cousins, and my grandparents that have passed, were there, aiding in getting everyone out, making sure it didn’t spread to my other uncle’s home, who lives next door to the home that stands in ruins.  Don’t ask me how I know that, I just do, some things are too sacred for me to share via the internet. I do know for a fact that my mom is my guardian angel until I am called home, and I know that all those have passed serve as guardian angels, to all of the family members.

Over the last few weeks, I have had the privilege of receiving, and watching home videos of the Kellogg-Klan. In these videos, those that Heavenly Father has already called home, are present. Grandma and Grandpa Kellogg, Brad, Aimee, Cathy, and my mom Bonnie. I have watched these, and was really truly able to see the strength that each family member has brought to the family. I believe that each person that makes up a family was placed in their family, for a specific reason, for a specific divine purpose.

Do I think that their strength is gone once the individual has passed? No. In fact, I think that it indeed stronger. Now they are on the other side of the veil, with strong superpowers. They have the capability of being there when disaster strikes, before we know its happening, they have the capability of knowing it going to happen, so they are ready, prepared, standing ready to be a guardian angel.

Because of this unfortunate event, I have had time to think about life, our lives are so very filled with temporal things. We all have televisions, computers, phones,  family photos, family heirlooms, food, clothing, etc. in our homes. Then I thought, once that’s all gone, whether it be destroyed by disaster, or once we have departed our earthly home, what do we have left? My answer is this: we will always have each other.

It is no secret that my favorite concept ever is that families are forever.  Each of us have different opinions about whether we choose the family we came to or not.  I believe that we have been assigned to our families by Heavenly Father, and we obeyed him and said “yes, to that family I will go, and do what thou would have me do to strengthen that family, so that we will all return to thee, together hand in hand, when all is said and done.”  

So, my rhetorical question for is blog post is this: how are you strengthening your family that you came to earth to, and the family that  you choose to marry into? Are you standing next to them throughout their trials, whatever they be? Or have you abandoned them in your busy, daily lives?   

Death Part 2

So, my last post was about my view on Death..... Just hours before the horrific massacre in Connecticut. Bad planning on my part? Probably.

The nation is in mourning with hundreds of direct family members of the victims. Every time I see a flag at half mast my heart aches a little bit more. Each time I hear of a family laying these innocent people to rest, my heart aches even more.

It saddens my heart and sickens me that one person could be so evil and sick to take so many innocent lives.  I would almost say the tragedy is worse then 9/11.  Because America lost something precious that day in Connecticut. Children lost their innocence. No child should ever have to live through that. And now the survivors will remember that day for the rest of time and be haunted by it.  Also, America lost its future. One cliche is that our children are our future.  That day, we lost many great people who would make up the future.

I think of the parents of the children whose lives were lost.  Even though I am not a parent, but I long to  hold my own child in my arms, just like I am sure the parents of the slain children do. I feel like I can relate to them because we both can not fill an empty void in our hearts and in our arms. 

But then I think of how incredibly strong the parents and siblings must be. They lost someone innocent, and precious. I believe they are strong because  I would make the argument that they had to dig deep into their hearts and souls to find, and offer forgiveness for the mast murderer. I think without offering him, a complete psychopath, forgiveness, they would not be able to live in peace. Not offering someone forgiveness is just poisoning yourself, and you can not live in peace, happiness, and harmony without the constant use of forgiveness.

It is no secret that my favorite thing that I know is that Families Really Are Forever. The parents and siblings that are left behind will be able to embrace their lost loved ones again. I have wanted a Christmas Miracle, that Christ would allow the victims to raise from the dead, just like he raised the dead during his ministry. But that's not realistic, and pain is a part of our experience on earth.
I believe, and know, that every experience that we go through in this lifetime shapes us into a stronger person.

Death

So, one thing that been on my mind lately is death.

Today marks the 17th anniversary of the day that my sweet mother died.

Its also the first holiday season that the Kellogg Klan finds themselves without Grandpa. Because of this fact, it has been proven to be a very emotinally difficult holiday season, for me at least.

I have gotten a lot of questions regarding how I feel about death. I used to think it was incredibly sad. Now, my prespective has changed.

I don't think death is a sad event. I am glad the many loved ones I have lost are together, and they no longer suffer in pain, whether it be emotional, temporal, or pyshical pain.  They are simply now free.  Those that have passed, have fulfilled their purpose. They fulfilled their mission of what they were sent down to earth to do, and they were called home.

I think everyone needs something to look forward too.... and I simply look forward to the day where I will be reunited with all those who have gone before me.  I love the fact that families can be together forever. It brings me so much warmth, comfort, and happiness.

Miracle of Forgiveness

It is no secret that it's November, the month of Thanksgiving. It's also no secret that many of my facebook friends post daily what they are thankful for... I don't think I have ever done this, and this year is no exception. However, this year is just a little bit different.  It has been a magnificent year, with miracles in abundance in our home. Ya'll know of the several miracles that I have been able to watch, and be part of this year. However, there is one miracle that has been at the forefront of my mind constantly. It is the miracle of forgiveness... not the book, but the actual act of forgiving someone, something, or ourselves.  As the year is quickly drawing to a close, I must admit that I am beyond grateful for the gift that was endowed upon us called forgiveness.  However, it's up to us if we use it or not.

This concept I have struggled with for a long time. I have been beyond mad at a variety of people. I have been mad at Heavenly Father for calling my mom home. I have been beyond mad at Him for not allowing us to conceive a child.  At one point, I even walked away from the LDS church. I just got so tired of all the questions about why we didn't have kids,  or where were our kids, crap like that. I also got blatantly tired of being told by an entity that I need to be someone who I can not be (a mom).  I really have no idea how or why I found my way back. But I did.  Probably because we moved to Las Vegas to a ward that is not nearly so judgmental.

There is one person in particular that did me so beyond wrong that I didn't think he ever deserved forgiveness from anyone, especially me.  I will spare you the details, but my analogy is that I had to walk through, and out of burning buildings because of this man. He made my entire world catch fire, and everything was destroyed, everything I once knew was gone in a simple blink of an eye because of just one person. And yes, I am related to this person.  I think it's much  harder to forgive family members, after all they are the ones who are supposed to love us unconditionally, however,  family members are most often the ones that hurt us the most. However,  it's imperative to forgive our family members because families really are an eternal unit.

For many years everyone, who had any idea about the situation, told me I needed to forgive him.  I would tell them that I simply couldn't (to this day, no one knows the whole story).

Then one day, I don't know why, but the last time I saw this person I had the simple thought of  "finally, I have forgiven him, of everything. If he were to die tomorrow, everything would be fine and I would have no regrets. " I felt like the weight of the world was lifted off of my shoulders. I felt free. I remember the feeling from that day quite well. I felt like I was finally able to break out of a straight jacket. I was able to walk a little taller with more confidence and I felt much healthier. Yes, I have gotten many comments from my friends here in Las Vegas telling me they have seen a difference in my demeanor, they say I look happier, healthier, and more confident.  I can't deny their suspicions, I feel better than I ever have. I don't know why I chose to forgive him now, on that day, after all of these years but I did.

Part of my job is to help children forgive their parents of the wrong doings that their parents have done to them. One of the activities that we do with them for therapy is we have them write down what they are mad at their parents, or siblings, or whoever for doing unspeakable things to them, and what they are mad at themselves for (because let's face it, there are always two sides to a war) and we put the slips of papers in things such as balloons, and we have the kids throw the balloons at plywood stands or trees, signifying to them that they are letting go of the past hurts, embracing the moment, and looking forward to a future, most often the future includes the child(ren) returning to their nuclear homes. But this wonderful event can't happen if people are still clutching on to their past hurts. I get to explain to them that it's a wonderful thing to do for themselves to forgive others.  However, I think that when you are LDS (and I believe that every one of my readers are LDS) the idea of forgiveness has another layer to it.

At baptism we make a covenant to essentially, live our lives like Chirst lived his.  I have heard hundreds of people, including children, say that can't forgive so and so for this and that.  One of my a-ha moments from this week came from the thought.... if we don't forgive others, then are we really living Christlike lives? If we are not, then are we not breaking a promise that we made with Heavenly Father? Just food for thought, or for your soul. Whichever you would like to think of it as.

I have included a link to a song that I think fits this concept perfectly. Please take a few minutes to listen and to think about this song, and what it offers each of us.

Once I forgave the person that I needed to forgive, I have been able to watch so many miracles occur. I think it's by me forgiving the person, and breaking out of the straightjacket that I was able to more fully live my life. I have never been happier.  There is no doubt in my mind that I needed to forgive the person for myself, not to necessarily benefit him, in order for miracles to occur.

So, I rhetorically ask my readers.... by you not forgiving others, what miracle are you preventing from happening in your life? Also, if we are still hanging on to the past hurts, will we really be able to live happily in the eternities?   For those that say that its something that I think I will do tomorrow, honestly, tomorrow never comes. Tomorrow very quickly becomes today. And life is way too short to live bogged down with grudges.

I Will Not Be Still

For quite some time I have had the song "I will  Not Be Still" from EFY stuck in my head. It was stuck in my head especially while I was working at the shelter/group home.  I have included a link for you so that you may listen to this song as well.

While working at this home I had  many opportunities to share what I believe in.  I got the most random questions ever. I will list some of them, along with my answers. However,  I did not get the questions because I wear a neon sign that reads "Hey. I'm a Mormon" but I got the questions because of how I live my life.

Question One:  If your Mormon do you always have to wear white? This was my good Friend Mitchell asking this, cause I always wear a white t-shirt and jeans to work. He asked this cause he consistently sees the missionaries also wearing white shirts.

My answer: I wear white cause its my style. I don't want to wear my good clothes when I am working with small, very messy kids. The Missionaries where white shirts because that is their uniform, just like many people have uniforms at their places of employment.

Question Two: Why do Mormon's Dress in all white at the Temple? This question came from my friend Ashley, who was baptized as a Mormon at age 8, but has never returned.  However, she has recently attended several funerals of people that were LDS,  in which the deceased were dressed in temple clothing, as it is standard in the LDS church to do so.

My answer:  White means purity, it symbolizes that we live our lives clean and pure. I told her it was similar to wearing white on your wedding day. It also means that we are all on the same playing field. That we are dressed the same because we are all sons and daughters of Heavenly Father and that he loves each and everyone of us the same. We are all equal in His eyes. 

Question Three: Which nearly all of my coworkers asked. "Hey, T, why don't you smoke?"

My answer: "Personally I don't like lighting my money on fire." Now, this answer did receive some very bazaar looks, and it warranted me to explain in further.  I always had the following conversation with each person that asked why I don't smoke:  "You get your paycheck. Say its five dollars. You go to the casino (that's where they all cash their checks) so now you have five dollars in monetary form. Now, you go to the smoke shop, and trade that five dollars for a pack of cigarettes, now you light them, one by one. Therefore, you are lighting your money on fire." Most of them laughed at me, but some said that made sense, and have since attempted to stop smoking, or have cut down alot of their habit.

 Question Four: "Hey, T. Why don't you drink?"

My answer: "Personally, I like my liver, and I kind of want to keep it around." . I then explained to him that I don't like rotten fruit, and that's all wine is, is fermented fruit.

Question Five: "Hey,T, why don't you drink coffee, or energy drinks?" I became known as the one who didn't drink coffee, nor did I have the slightest idea how to prepare it.

My answer: Because caffeine is linked to causing heart attacks, and I kind of wanna stick around for a while. Once again they gave me a look of  "what are you talking about?" One search on my favorite site, google, then hand them my phone to read the articles about caffeine and the health problems associated with it, and it normally squashes all of their arguments.

Its been very entertaining them asking having them ask questions, and then explaining my answers, without telling them "cause my religion says so" because then it makes it sound like I don't live my own life, but that I just follow rules set forth by an entity. I choose to live this way because I want to be healthy and happy.

I have watched the lives of many people change, and have started living their lives to a higher standard. I have watched their health improve as they cut back on drinking and smoking. I have had one friend state that he wants to be baptized Mormon. I have had another friend say that she wants to go back to the Mormon church, and does have an open-door invite to come with us, as we are in a variety-ward. Watching people change for the better, is probably one of the greatest's joys. I think just by the way we live our lives, opens up so many doors of opportunity of to talk to our friends and neighbors about the church.